did anyone ever tell you how beautiful you look

when you’re looking for what’s beautiful in someone else?

it’s been a v. long day & i never like the end of days much – i always feel somewhat hurried and distracted, making mental lists in my mind about what else i want to do. i like to experiment with different places & change of scenery, because sometimes familiarity breeds contempt, even with places. (but of course in retrospect you always remember things with a sense of nostalgia. maybe less so with generic spots like shopping centres). i think i need to let go of my ‘to-do’ list & just do things on a whim, even if for the thousandth time. i really need to relaxxxxxxxx

ideally, i wouldn’t stress my mind out. even during the holidays. maybe that’s why i’m q. excited about Tasmania – because my mum’s the one figuring out the itinerary. i don’t even have to think!

now that’s a happy thought.

maybe we are more than just atoms

(photo by romanlily)

and maybe
just maybe
us trying to make sense of things
with formulas and theories
isn’t helping

because beautiful arguments
no matter how eloquent they sound -
cosmo, onto, teleo
- can’t explain the finer details
the nuances
the lives we lead and
what this is really all about

escapade please

please let me sleep in peace and scribble, doodle, and find a poodle.

right now all i am waiting for is for my exam tomorrow to be over.

i wasn’t that worried about the exam, but trent calls me up three times a day just to scream about how stressed he is and how is he supposed to know what to study? so now i’m getting slightly more frantic – i don’t even know half the topics properly, let alone blab out structured essays about them.

today i spent two hours filling out questionnaire sheets on ’social memory’, nationalism, values, goals, and political ideologies. somewhere between studying and procrastinating these past few weeks, i realised that i enjoy filling in surveys, which half-explains why i’ve been scouring the net for paid surveys. either it’s a really good investment, or they’re all just out to scam your money. i haven’t decided whether i should invest an initial amount just for registration. oh the economics!

i had a great kerekere cuppocino today, so… yum for me. though i think i will ask for one sugar next time instead of two because i don’t usually have a sweet tooth and we’ve all gotta cut down on the sugar y’know? and just to separate fact from myth, you won’t get diabetes from too much sugar. but too much sugar is bad for you, of course. moderation. moderation is always good. (except for maybe feelings and actions. i gotta admit, this came from one of the questionnaires today, and i spent several minutes trying to figure what that meant for me…… oh the joys of surveys!)

won’t you take me away

Being here, I wonder why my dreams sometimes disintegrate.

Being young, dreams are all we hold on to. And hope, when you don’t have grace.

We are bound by the seas and our dreams(fears), as if these limitations are holding us back.

It’s all relative.

Trying to pull my head together… I seem to be getting daily headaches lately, and it’s killing my head. I have to finish my draft piece for Chinese calligraphy by tomorrow, plus hand in a 15 character running script, but I keep making a mess out of that style.

My inner monologue has returned, slightly more eloquently. I just need to find some time and some place to vent it all. (coherently).

maybe this is just me being pretentious

‘Le coeur a ses raisons, que la raison ne connait pas‘ – Blaise Pascal, French mathematician and philosopher

Translation: The heart has its reasons which reason does not know.

Sometimes I think philosophy is just a bunch of intellectual bullshit created to fill our empty heads (when everything I read doesn’t really make sense); yet other times I think – hey, maybe this isn’t so bad after all.

On Friday, Rose shared a statistic she read somewhere, about how only one per cent of the world gets to go to university. Which made me think: shit, this is something we take so much for granted – the chance to learn and understand the world a little bit better.

And this is me procrastinating from writing my Philosophy essay worth a whooping 40% and due tomorrow by 4:45pm, boo!

something about being

disconcerted
disengaged
discontented
displaced
disconnected
distant

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

This is my personal disaffection.

I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to live like I know what I’m leaving
I want a heart that I know is beating,
It’s beating,
I’m bleeding

And now you’re wondering -
Was peace just a temporary state?